It's now one week into the second year of my cardiology fellowship. It almost feels like first year flew by in the blink of an eye. It's still hard to imagine that I went through some of those brutal moments while I was on-call--somehow juggling multiple simulatenous disasters ("MSD"), fielding so many pages, seeing so many sick patients, and even making mistakes along the way. The greatest feeling ever is handing over that pager in the morning when your shift is over. After that, my task of keeping others alive is complete, now it's time to keep msyself alive--that is having gone over 24 hours without sleep, and then drive home from Long Island to Manhattan during the morning commuter traffic (stop and go). I have definitely dozed off once or twice at the wheel (I know, bad), and one time even slept in the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot. I soon learned getting the large cup of coffee in the morning is not only sobering, it is necessary for survival!
I must say despite the times of stress and seemingly herculean tasks that often confronted me, I always survived, and probably came out with some new knowledge or skill under my belt each time. I always said during residency that three years is not enough to learn internal medicine, and getting killed and being busy as hell during those three years is the only way you will know enough to go out into the real world and be a competent doctor. Cardiology is no different. So the busier your training is, the better doctor you will be, right? (Or maybe I am just trying to convince myself that is the case to defend my insane decision to go into medicine!)
Alas... I wish I could say this has a happy ending, but not quite yet. Unfortunately my second year call schedule is no different than the first! (and still in-house, which means I don't leave the hospital for that 26 to 27 hour period). But hey at least I'll know what I'm doing this time right? And now there is a whole new batch of fellows who have no idea what they are doing, and are shitting their pants before they take their first call... I can still remember it like it was yesterday. But it definitely feels good not to be that guy any more :)
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